wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
