Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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