After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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