wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
