We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
