please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
