There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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