She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
