ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
