i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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