We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
