it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
