I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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