I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
