Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
