If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
