It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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