I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize