Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
