I can text with my tongue
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
