Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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