I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
