hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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