She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
