I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
