As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dicks are not precious.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
