Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
