I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
