Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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