frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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