i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
