So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize