i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
