would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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