In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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