wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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