your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
