if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
