my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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