you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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