You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
