Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
