How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
