Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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