if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need to sanitize my soul.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
