dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
