i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
