is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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