i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
