You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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