i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
PANTIES FOUND
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
