it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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