hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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