you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
