dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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