I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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