I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
