Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
