its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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