On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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