I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
