im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's blow job season.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
