dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Mom said you looked used
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
