Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
