I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
