I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize