Welp...herpes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
