dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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