why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
