The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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